fumer tue

God I hate technology. I like what it can do but I hate the random way it does it. Trying to transfer email accounts, web hosting stuff, update ftp links and will any of it work? Will it hell. My least favourite phrase at the moment is “may take up to 24 hours for changes to take effect.” Ok, thanks, so how am I supposed to know whether it’s worked or not? Does not getting emails now mean I am incredibly unpopular or is there a dot in the wrong place amongst the billion settings I’ve just had to type?

Also means that no-one can read this post so this is possibly the most futile thing I’ve ever typed. No, hang on, I forgot about all the typing that I did when I worked. A lot of that was far more futile.

Anyway, grumble, moan, grrr.

What else? Builders have been working all weekend including Sunday and todays bank holiday to get stuff finished for me. That makes them very good people. Apart from the being woken up by them at 8 am every day obviously. This whole thing is looking very tight but just about doable, featuring giving my keys to a letting agent on the way to the airport later this week. What can possibly go wrong?

I’m trying to fit in seeing all you lovely people before I go but that’s very tricky indeed given the timing. How about I just give you all my solicitors telephone number and you phone him up and swear at him for screwing the timing of the remortgage so badly? That’ll make us all feel better. Seriously, if I don’t get to see you, doesn’t mean I don’t care.

I’ll be at the Red Lion in Islington on Wednesday night if anyone wants to pop in and say hello, wave goodbye. Standing in the door of the Pink Flamingo… vote over there>>>^

Oh and have a look at the link of my buddy Simon’s similar website up there in the links bit. He’s doing something even more stupid than me.

I met you in a dream last night…

OK, that’s the opening line of a song. Who knows it? Betcha don’t!

Saw Nick Marsh last night with his new band The Mint Condition. That boy’s still a bit of an unsung superstar and slowly becoming Johnny Cash crossed with Jacques Brel with David Lynch’s house band. A fantastic, dark, jazzy shambles.

What else? Oh yeah, my cat’s returned from her annual summer holidays where she goes to live with a random neighbour for a bit. She’s gonna get a bit of a shock when her holiday becomes a bit more permanent.

My ticket to the US is no longer illegal. (I was going to be staying 8 hours longer on US soil than the 90 day visa allows for. Quelle Horreur! This would have meant I actually got turned back on arrival.) thanks to a very kind person I know and absolutely no thanks to British Airways. “The best we can suggest sir is that you discard your current ticket and buy another one for £700” Yeah, thanks.

Oh and thanks also to whoever has my credit card now. No really, great timing. I wasn’t hassled enough or anything. Ever felt like you’re living in the Truman Show?

Places to visit

and things to do…

Buy and install 3 x curtain rails

Varnish 2 doors

Measure up 2 rooms and a staircase for carpets

Order carpets

Remove broken built in shelving from living room corner and repaint

Buy bed and 2 x wardrobes

Get stored stuff down from loft

Finish boxing up remaining possessions

Have those possessions removed to storage

Buy and install shower curtain

Install shelves in bathroom

Get home for 2 x cats

I gotta do that lot by this Friday to be in with a chance of renting this place out… OK use the voting buttons on this page to place your bets… Yup that’s right, the invisible one over there on the right that’s not working at the moment cos the website that hosts it is down… what do you want? Perfection?

So anyway, those prawns…

There were these two prawns swimming around in the sea – one called Joseph and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Joseph said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”

A few days later the monstrous magical lobster appeared and said, “Your wish is

granted”, and lo and behold, Joseph turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.

Time passed and Joseph found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old friends swam away whenever he came close to them. Joseph didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the monstrous magical mysterious lobster again and he thought perhaps the incredible creature could change him back into a prawn. He approached the monstrous mythical magical mysterious lobster and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Joseph swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn’t see his old best friend. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, still upset that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to find Christian. He went to Christians little prawn house He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Joseph, your old friend, come out and see me again.”

Christian replied, “No way! You’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

Joseph cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed….I’m a prawn again Christian”.

OK so maybe you heard it before then? made me laugh anyway.

There were these two prawns…

So I’m back, back, BACK I tell ya and I’ve got 2 things to say to you…

Firstly, don’t try being a vegetarian in the south of France. Easy it ain’t and if it wasn’t for the totally fantastic and lovely people there who went out of their way to cook especially for me at short notice even if they’d never met me before, I may be a good deal thinner today than I was last time I wrote.

Secondly, and this is the lecture part, if there’s anyone you care about and you’re not talking to for any reason whatsoever, call them. Do it now. Don’t start with the “well they haven’t called me” crap or the “why should I call them when they obviously don’t want to speak to me” rubbish. Just call them now and if you don’t sort out whatever’s wrong between you first time, call them again tomorrow and keep doing it until it’s fixed. There’s no room for pride in this stuff and there’s no room for game playing. You know why? Because in these sort of games no one wins, and whats the point of playing if you know you’re both going to lose? Nothing is more important than this.

If you’re reading this, there’s a fair chance that you’re my friend, and if you’re my friend then I’m crazy about you. There I’ve said it. Now it’s your turn.

Lecture over.


I Miss You…

…So I finallly cracked. Having sat down and rewritten the list of things that need doing in the house I sat staring at it in despair for about 2 hours, hyperventilated, and then called the builder that put in my kitchen and bathroom practically begging him to come round and fix my sick house. He agreed and is coming to give me a quote today, hence the ungodly hour.

Other than that I’m back to France for a sad reason tomorrow for a few days. A bientot, Maman Numero Deux. Je t’aime beaucoup, beaucoup.

Did Dusty Do or Did Dusty Don’t?

Dusty don’t, it looks like. She should have though. Funny how your mind plays those tricks innit? Well maybe not your mind, but definitely Doug’s and mine. Next week, Elvis covering The Streets. Could happen.

You know what’s great? When there’s a party out of town that lots of old friends are going to that you can’t make because you’ve got to paint like a crazy fool. You know what’s better? When all those people phone you up drunk from the party having a really good time when you’re stuck in on a Saturday night covered in paint. That’s just the best. Welcome to a new bitter and twisted version of the website. I’m off to listen to Swedish Satanic Metal and buy a long black trenchcoat.