Another day, another damp squib of a marketing attempt.
Day started badly. In fact it started badly before it was even day as I tossed and turned and generally failed to disappear into slumberland last night. Of course that led to massive oversleeping and stupid rushing around cleaning teeth while trying to pull on trousers hilarity, for today was go-to-the-job-centre-and-get-signed-up-to-be-one-of-Thatcher’s-millions day.
Terrifying…
You may remember that a couple of weeks back I phoned up the Job Seekers Helpline and was told by a very nice chap that it was OK to sign up for their wonderful free money scheme when setting up a new solo business because that counted as “Job Seeking”, and, in order to entice me to do so, they would offer all sorts of setting-up-a-new-business type help to get my enterprise up to 30 hours work a week, at which point they would send me off into the world on my own, waving and dabbing away their tears of pride with starched white hankies as the theme music from Gone With The Wind played rousingly and emotionally in the background as I walked off into a bright new future…
ahem… he lied.
I filled out the stupid convoluted forms, gathered together all the paperwork, bills and bank statements, P60’s and passports, and toddled off to see my “client advisor” this morning. When I got there I had a clerk go through the forms and tell me they were well filled out, (that’s what years of market research does for you, helps you fill out benefit applications) and that claims were being processed in only a couple of days at the moment. “This is all going swimmingly” I thought, and off I went to see the “client advisor” for I am a customer of these people, nice euphemism huh? She looked at my forms too and smiled and off we went with the interview proper;
“So what kind of work do you want to do?” she asked.
“I am setting up my own business” I replied proudly, no scrounger me, I’m an entrepreneur you know.
“So when would you be available for work?” she asked.
“Well I’m constantly working setting up my own business at the moment”
“But what kind of job would you be AVAILABLE to do?” she asked.
“Well ideally none. I’m here for the Setting-Up-A-New-Business service”, I countered, just trying to get things clear between us and the conversation back on the free-money, lots-of-support and Gone-With-The-Wind-music track.
“So you are not looking for us to help you get employment?” she asked.
Ah that’s better, we’re getting somewhere now, “Yes that’s right”
“I’ll have to check with my supervisor”
Ah the supervisor will get me the right service I thought.
Back she came and smiled sweetly before saying “I don’t think we can help you”
That’s when I realised that my Job Seeker phone buddy had lied. So no free money or support for me. Bugger.
Next up off to see my sisters Boss and to set up his new computer in his office, cloning all the information from his old one and transferring it across, setting up all his emails (15 email accounts for why?) and installing his network. That went much better and he paid me money for doing it. Less than the going rate ‘cos I’m not exactly a professional, but nearly 4 weeks worth of dole money all the same. That felt better! Having seen the half arsed job that a proper company did for a friend of mine with nearly exactly the same requrements, for more than twice that amount of money in 3 times as long, I didn’t feel guilty though. New business idea 2. Computer support for other small businesses. I’m good at making computers better. It comes from years of breaking my own ones and then having to fix them.
Final installment in this long old post is my second attempt at handing out flyers and business cards to the auditionees for the local music contest down at the shopping centre. Last week it was postponed due to lack of entrants. Tonight they went ahead with two entrants. Both 14. Both girls. Both unaccompanied. I’m soooo not approaching people like that until my police check comes through…
